What We Did On Our Christmas Hols
24th December: The usual DredgeLand Christmas Day celebrations; Andy began cooking the meal at 04:03 whilst John hastily wrapped gifts for the citizens of Hove. The gifts were rejected at approximately 09:56. The meal was rejected at approximately 22:45.
27th December: Our neighour Ronnie ‘Looms’ Looms invited us to a trendy tea dance at Romford Market. Apparently the invitation was dependent on whether we could get John’s father-in-law Steve Cram to attend but sadly he was unavailable due to scurvy.
28th December: Went to Hove Zoo. A penguin became enraged by Andy’s hairstyle and flew straight at him causing abrasions to the face and neck. We beat a hasty retreat using the new K-Tel Retreat Beater.
30th December: Saw Cannon and/or Ball at the Penge Theatre, Hastings, which I think has moved. Asked Tommy for his autograph but unfortunately he had mislaid it. Asked Ball to be quiet during the show to no avail.
At 16:03 (or was it 16:04?) had an appointment with The Head of All Films to discuss our new screenplay which concerns the whereabouts of an invisible heron named Wicklow. He said more violence was needed so we hit him with the screenplay.
The rest of the week passed in a blur of cagoules and Weetabix. Tomorrow a new dawn awaits.
31st December: Still waiting.